apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
