guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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