is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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