just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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