Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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