My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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