It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
