I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
my liver is dry heaving
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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