Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize