fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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