turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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