Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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