i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
