Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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