got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize