i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
