please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
