In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
