hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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