Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
