Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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