He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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