awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
