You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize