I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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