captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
