Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
