this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
