Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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