So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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