i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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