I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
