Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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