shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need to sanitize my soul.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
