i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
