You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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