I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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