So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
