Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
