i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
