If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
