So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
