oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
