Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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