If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
