update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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