Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
