there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
