It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
