we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
