You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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