ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
