So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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