I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
