Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
