When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
