the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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