I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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