I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
