And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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